10 Rules for Working with My ADHD Child
Everyone wants to know how to best help their child dealing with ADD or ADHD. Very often readers and social networking friends ask what we do, in working with our kids. Recently, a discussion like this resulted in an impromptu list of some of the rules we have tried to stick to. We’re not perfect and sometimes the train goes flying off the rails, but these rules make sense to us:
- Always show love, acceptance and support – our love is not dependent on our children’s behavior.
- Provide our children plenty of opportunities to make the right decision and celebrate the good ones immediately.
- Never bait them into a trap – if you know they did something, don’t ask – state that you know it and discuss the situation.
- Explain why they should do something, remind them of the rewards for doing it, the priviledges lost for not, then let them decide.
- Be persistent – It’s not easy saying “turn off the TV/Computer” over & over – let them know it’s important enough for us to follow through.
- Don’t punish for every infraction – redirect and move on.
- Set clear rules for what’s totally unacceptable (hitting, etc.).
- When possible, allow for choices, rather than a single directive. Allowing our children the chance to choose between options often will reduce the battle that can result with forcing them into a task, completely on our terms.
- Medication, if used, is not a crutch – it is an opportunity for our children to relieve some pressure while they develop new skills and tools for coping with the effects of ADHD. They need skills, not just pills.
- Know when our children function well – if attention spans are depleted and frustration triggers more easily by dinner time, don’t put our children in the unrealistic position of challenging them at these times – resolve difficult issues earlier or wait until the morning.
Each of these rules could easily be its own post and maybe we will do that someday. As I said earlier, we are not perfect. We often can break some of these rules, but always return to them, as we see their importance.
What rules have you implemented for helping your kids?
This is a good list. #9 is standing out for me right now. My son is adhd, bipolar, and aspergers. We have a new psych who wants him off his adhd stimulants because, he says, the end results won’t be pretty if he continues to take meds for both. In fact, the adhd meds actually aggravate the bipolar disorder. Finding information like this will be extremely helpful as we move forward. Thank you.
Thanks for the kind words and support, MJ. There is a podcast – a series of MP3 audio files – that take this list and develop each point further. It can be found here: http://adhdhunter.com/blog/category/podcasts/
Let me know what you think!
Thanks again,
Chris